Dating in South Africa: finding love as an expat

The South African dating scene is full of energy and surprises, and no two experiences are the same. Whether you’re swiping right on apps, mingling at social events, or navigating more traditional expectations through family connections, there’s no shortage of ways to make a meaningful connection.

And if you’re an expat, you might just be the wildcard that adds an unexpected twist to the mix.

So, how do you meet someone who clicks with your vibe? Should you expect grand romantic gestures or a more relaxed, honest approach? And, more importantly, how do you impress on your first date?

Here’s what you need to know about dating in South Africa:

Is it easy to date in South Africa?

In a country as large as South Africa, it’s impossible to say how many people are single. According to the 2022 Census, 24% of the population is married, and 7.8% of unmarried couples live with their partners. But it would be wrong to assume everyone who’s left (68.2%) is, in fact, single.

With those statistics being the only ones available, it’s also hard to say whether it’s easy to date or not.

What is clear, however, is that South Africa is dealing with changing gender roles and attitudes towards dating. These views can sometimes result in mismatched expectations when it comes to love.

For example, men are traditionally required to be financially secure and able to support a family. With the high unemployment rates as they are, some men find it difficult to focus on their dating life.

Meanwhile, women find that they no longer need a partner to afford a stable lifestyle. Instead, they choose to be single because they don’t want to compromise their independence or sanity. Due to traditional gender norms, long-term relationships often lead to additional responsibilities for women, such as work, household chores, raising children, and caring for elderly parents.

And, escalating matters quickly, South Africa also has shocking levels of violence against women and girls (Human Rights Watch, 2025). According to HRW estimates, the country struggles with the highest rate of rape in the world and a femicide rate that is five times the global average.

It’s perhaps understandable, then, that the 4B movement (No Boyfriend, No Baby, No Marriage, No Dating) is gaining traction. This trend, originating from South Korea, rejects traditional society norms that prioritize male comfort over women’s autonomy and encourages women to redefine what love means for them.

How do you meet single people online in South Africa?

The best South African dating websites

Unsurprisingly, in the modern era, one of the easiest ways to enter the South African dating scene is by going online.

To meet other single, like-minded internationals, try our own online dating service: Expatica Dating South Africa. Popular with both men and women, it helps to connect people who share similar interests and passions and ultimately find love in Mzansi.

Other popular dating sites are Badoo and SouthAfricanCupid, which are free to use but may require payment in order to access special features.

The best South African dating apps

International apps such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and Boo are common dating platforms in South Africa. The dating app Koer is also popular – this Afrikaans language app allows singles to match and chat with people nearby.

Meanwhile, the app Boardroom can offer a great alternative. The platform claims to have put a twist on conventional dating and aims to help working professionals find love in South Africa.

Singles looking for same-sex relationships will want to check out the dating apps Grindr, Her, Taimi, and Zoe. Just make sure to follow these safety tips when meeting someone offline.

As might be expected, users of dating apps tend to stumble upon the same issues as they would in other countries. For example, the apps are primarily focused on hooking up and are geared toward making rapid decisions. So, if you are looking for a genuine connection, you may be better off signing up for a website or meeting someone in person.

How do you meet singles in person in South Africa?

If online dating is not for you, then in-person meetups can be a good alternative. You can start by looking for social events on Meetup groups. This platform aims to connect people with similar hobbies and interests. Even if you don’t find the love of your life, you might make some new friends.

Another great way to meet new people is by joining a local sports club or association. From cooking classes to sports teams, this poses a great way for potential partners to meet and bond over shared passions and interests.

Meeting through friends

Of course, you can also reach out to your social and professional network to find a date. If you have friends or close work colleagues you trust, see if they know of any suitable singles they could set you up with. Otherwise, keep an eye out for social gatherings and do some searching yourself.

If you’re feeling confident, South African cities have plenty of opportunities to acquaint yourself with strangers, for example, in bars, at clubs, or at a local event or festival. Some people also meet their partners on vacation; you just have to be a little outgoing.

While this method requires more effort, it can be rewarding to find attractive singles without the worry that their online personality might not match their real-life one.

Local mixers and speed-dating events

Speed dating is another interesting way of meeting people in South Africa. This is where singles meet at a venue and are matched for a series of quick-fire conversations with potential partners to see if compatibility or a spark exists.

You can find events near you on websites such as eventbrite, which advertises events all over the country. Social networking sites like Facebook and Reddit may also have details of upcoming mixers or speed-dating events.

What is the South African dating etiquette?

South Africans are generally known to be warm and friendly, though dating practices widely vary from setting to setting. Some people are open and direct, whereas others are more reserved and conservative.

Here’s what to expect in terms of first dates and what might come next if things progress.

A typical dating scenario

People in South African typically make an effort for first dates. While going for lunch or drinks is common too, many people go hiking, play minigolf, visit a museum, or have a picnic at a park. As time goes on, dates will likely become more oriented around your shared hobbies and interests. For example, you could go surfing, clubbing, or watch a rugby match.

Dates are usually flirty and outgoing, with some good-natured teasing. South Africans enjoy the courtship; in fact, the prelude to the relationship is as important as the relationship itself. However, people also value honesty and don’t like wasting their or your time. So, you may get some hard questions regarding your salary and family goals.

Public displays of affection (PDA) is more common in larger, cosmopolitan cities, where you’ll see couples holding hands, kissing, or even hugging in public. In more rural or conservative areas, people are traditionally more reserved, and PDA might be more limited or subtle.

Dating behavior in South Africa

First-date etiquette in South Africa is pretty typical, focused on good manners and making a good impression. The country values punctuality a lot, and it’s rude to keep people waiting (it also shows poor planning). You’ll want to be a few minutes early.

The dress code tends to be smart but simple. South Africans appreciate natural beauty and prefer that you let your charm (and kind heart and wit) do the talking. However, this is not to say that you should show up in sports leggings or loungewear; it’s always good to make a bit of an effort. Make sure your wardrobe matches the date; if you show up in a suit and tie for an afternoon hike, you’ll stick out like a sore thumb.

When it comes to talking points, taboo subjects include discussing religion and politics (especially the history of Apartheid). Maybe also don’t mention Elon Musk. Being overly work-obsessed or having a negative attitude won’t go down too well either, and you’re unlikely to get a second date. However, don’t be surprised or offended when your date tells you their strong and honest opinion; the South African communication style is direct and values straightforward honesty.

Gender roles in South African dating

As said before, South Africa is reevaluating its gender roles. This also means some singles appreciate the traditional norms, whereas others are more non-conformist. Still, good impressions are most important, and men like to be chivalrous and open doors and help with seats.

When it comes to paying the check, most men will want to be respectful and pay on the first date. However, if their date insists on splitting the bill, it shouldn’t be considered rude. (It may be, but it shouldn’t.)

If you’re an expat on a date with a South African man or woman and are unsure about who’s paying, be sure to bring cash so you won’t be put in an awkward situation.

What are relationships like in South Africa?

In major cities, the South African dating scene tends to be more dynamic and fast-paced. With the influence of modern apps and a more casual approach to dating, couples may meet and develop a connection relatively quickly. By contrast, things typically progress at a slower rate in more rural or traditional areas. It can take quite a few dates and months before things get serious.

Regardless, people value honesty and not wasting anyone’s time, so you will definitely know if someone is into you or just stringing you along.

In bustling cities like Joburg and Cape Town, it’s not uncommon for couples to move in together after a year or two of dating. In more traditional or rural communities, couples might wait until a formal engagement or marriage before taking that step.

When do you meet your partner’s family?

A tell-tale sign that a relationship has become a big deal is when your partner wants to introduce you to their family. Family is extremely important in South Africa, and young people value their parents’ opinions. Although there isn’t a set time frame, of course, this means you may meet the family sooner than you would expect.

After that, family visits or trips out can happen frequently, depending on how close everyone lives to each other.

Getting married in South Africa

The role of the family in weddings

In South Africa, wedding proposals (still) are a family affair. It’s standard for the groom-to-be to ask the woman’s father for her hand first. Attitudes are changing, however, and it’s also common for couples to get engaged and announce it to their parents afterward. This is potentially followed by a more informal “asking for a blessing” meeting.

Among some African Indigenous communities, it’s common for the groom-to-be to pay a dowry (lobola) to the bride’s family. (This is gradually becoming less common.) Some families will exchange gifts, such as clothing, pottery, and houseware. Depending on their cultural backgrounds, the bride may also get an engagement ring or other wedding jewelry from her partner.

When it comes to wedding dates, couples can decide for themselves or consult elders or astrologists to help them choose a date based on lunar phases, numerology, or ancestral guidance. Ideally, the date is a lucky one that brings forth a successful marriage.

The challenges facing unmarried couples

In South Africa, unmarried couples often face a mix of challenges that come from balancing modern lifestyles with traditional values. While more and more couples are choosing to live together without getting married – called “vat en sit” – many still feel the pressure to formalize their relationship.

In many communities, marriage is seen as the natural next step in a serious relationship, particularly when children are involved. This means that even if cohabitation is common, families and friends might still expect couples to get married, which can sometimes create tension.

Legally, the system tends to favor married couples. Without a formal marriage or a special legal agreement, partners might not automatically have rights like inheritance, hospital visitation, or decision-making in emergencies. This can be especially challenging when quick decisions need to be made.

Financially, unmarried couples also need to take extra steps. Benefits such as pensions or shared property rights are usually reserved for those who are married, so couples living together without tying the knot often have to set up legal arrangements to protect both partners’ interests.

South African dating: things to keep in mind

Is South Africa LGBTQ+ friendly?

South Africa is known as a more friendly place for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer people (LGBTQ+). In 2006, it was the first country in Africa and the fifth in the world to recognize same-sex marriage, after the Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, and Canada. South Africa currently ranks 28^th out of 197 in the world on the 2024 LGBT Equality Index.

This was, of course, before the killing of Muhsin Hendricks, the first openly gay imam, on 15 February 2025. His death has deeply shaken South Africa’s queer community and has heralded a setback in LGBTQ+ rights in the country.

Same-sex couples will want to be wary about displaying affection in public. According to Human Rights Watch, violent incidences occur often, especially toward lesbian and transgender people.

That said, South Africa also has some great gay-friendly places. For example, Cape Town is known as the ‘gay capital of Africa’ and probably has the largest LGBTQ+ scene in the continent. The city hosts annual events, such as the Cape Town Pride Festival and the Mother City Queer Project (MCQP). International travelers are also drawn to Johannesburg’s thriving nightlife, vibrant LGBTQ+ scene, and annual Pride festival.

What are the views on mixed dating?

South Africa is a melting pot of cultures, and views on mixed dating – whether interracial or interfaith – reflect that diversity. In cities like Johannesburg, Cape Town, and Durban, many young people celebrate the blend of different cultures and backgrounds, and mixed relationships are seen as a natural expression of the country’s diversity.

In more traditional or rural communities, however, there can still be some resistance. Families and community members may hold on to cultural or religious expectations, which can create challenges for couples who cross these traditional boundaries. In these settings, mixed couples may have to navigate cultural and religious differences carefully. Some religious families may expect conversion or adherence to certain cultural traditions, especially when it comes to marriage or raising children.

What challenges come with online dating?

As in any country, online dating in South Africa comes with its risks. People might not always be who or what they say they are on their profile or during initial chats. The country has had its fair share of catfishing, sextortion, phishing, and other romance scams. People are also increasingly victims of so-called “pig butchering,” financial scams that lure singles with promises of love, long-term companionship, and, of course, wealth.

Never agree to send money to someone before meeting them (never agree to send money to someone, period), and arrange your first date in a public place. Don’t wear any valuables, and be sure to tell a friend or family member where you’ll be. For LGBTQ+ singles, it may also be wise to use the buddy system.

Useful resources

• South African Banking Risk Information Centre (SABRIC) – website of a nonprofit company with information on bank-related crimes, including romance scams
• Law for All – website with tips to safely date online in South Africa